When the Holidays Stir Shame
The holidays can quietly bring up shame (as a lot of us know all too well)—about how much we’re doing or not doing, the timeline of our life events or lack there of, how our bodies look, how our families function, or how we think we should feel. Sometimes it shows up as a heavy, dull sadness when things don’t go as planned. Other times it’s restless and hypervigilant—trying to control, fix, or hide, only to feel more tense and self-critical.
When it comes down to it, when expectations run high, it’s easy to turn inward with judgment.
From a somatic and Ayurvedic perspective, shame isn’t a personal failure—it’s a nervous system response to pressure, comparison, and overstimulation.
It can surface when your skin flares despite all your efforts, when weight won’t budge no matter how disciplined you are, or when anxiety steals your sleep despite your best calming rituals. Those familiar shoulds—I should be better, I should have more control—send a deeper message to the body: You can’t be trusted.
Shame disconnects you from your body’s wisdom. You push harder, hide discomfort, and blame yourself—moving further from the very signals that could guide your healing.
Here’s the shift: the moment you release blame and meet your experience with gentle curiosity, your state begins to change. Neuroscience shows this moves the brain out of stress-driven reactivity and into openness and safety. Vedic psychology describes this as shifting from tamas or rajas into sattva—from heaviness or agitation into clarity.
***I’ve linked one of my very first FREE MEDTATIONS at the end.*** This gentle practice invites you to slow down and explore what your body may be holding in relation to something that feels activating right now. When you create space to listen, what emerges may surprise you.
As you pause here, what part of your body wants to soften, stretch, or shift—and can you give it the space to do that?
The bridge between neuroscience & Vedic psychology
Neuroscience shows that curiosity and self-compassion quiet the limbic system, reduce fear, and activate the prefrontal cortex—the center of reflection and choice.
Vedic psychology teaches that shame often manifests as a tamasic state—heavy, contracting, dull, or self-defeating. Sometimes it takes on a rajasic quality—restless, anxious, blaming, or hyper-reactive—an agitated energy trying to escape its own discomfort.
Curiosity, by contrast, is sattvic—light, spacious, and rooted in truth.
When we meet shame with curiosity, we move toward sattvic awareness. Our buddhi—higher discernment—becomes clearer and steadier, guiding us toward wiser action and deeper healing.
What inviting curiosity can sound like
What is this part of me trying to protect, signal, or restore right now?
Where and how do I feel shame in my body right now (Is it still or want to move, heavy, in chest, in stomach, burning, cool, etc.)
When I feel shame, what story am I telling myself?
Is this feeling truly mine, or was it learned?
What would happen if I softened my thoughts around the shame instead of pushing it away?
If my younger self were here, what would they need to hear?
I’d love your input! Please choose one topic below that you’d most like to see me create content about.
What’s really happening beneath shame
Shame tells the brain, You’re in danger.
The amygdala sounds the alarm.
Fight, flight, or freeze takes over.
The body can’t relax
The mind can’t think clearly
The nervous system can’t enter rest-and-repair
But curiosity changes everything.
Fear and curiosity can’t occupy the same space. When we ask with compassion—What is my body trying to tell me?—the brain settles. Safety returns. The heart softens.
Ayurveda gives us a language for these signals:
Fatigue may be Vata whispering, come home to yourself—earlier nights, warm spiced meals, candlelit evenings, slow mornings, breath-led meditation, bare feet on the floor, and rituals that tell your nervous system you are safe.
Cravings, heat, or irritability may be Pitta asking you to soften—fewer screens and external stimulation, more shade and spaciousness, cooling foods, ocean swims, restorative yoga, slower workouts, and permission to create less while feeling more.
Resistance or heaviness may be Kapha nudging you toward gentle ignition—movement that feels like play, not punishment; morning sunlight, sauna sweats, upbeat playlists, clear the clutter, laughter, dance classes, or a run that clears the fog and lifts the heart.
Enjoy this free meditation, inspired by Michael Picucci’s Following the Breadcrumbs and shaped by my training with The Focusing Institute—an invitation to turn inward, listen softly, and receive the wisdom your body is ready to share.
Meet the Best Alcohol Replacement of the Season
As the nights get colder and holiday gatherings fill the calendar, I’ve been craving a new kind of ritual—something warm, social, and feel-good, without the fogginess that often follows a drink. And this season, I found it.
Meet Vesper, Pique’s brand-new, non-alcoholic adaptogenic aperitif—and truly one of the most exciting launches they’ve ever released. Crafted with rare botanicals and science-backed ingredients, it delivers everything I love about a drink: the unwind, the mood lift, the sense of connection… just without the alcohol.
Each sip brings a soft drop in the shoulders, a gentle lift in spirit, and a clear, grounded presence. Sparkling, tart, and herbaceous, Vesper feels luxurious and intentionally crafted—perfect for holiday parties, cozy nights in, and an elevated start to Dry January.
Because it’s new (and already going viral), it will sell out fast.
